The Dictionary
by Hanako A
Summary: The dictionary Hermione summons when trying to settle an argument in Scrabble isn't the standard one she was expecting.


Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, as they all belong to JKR. This story is also an AU for seventh year, since everyone is at Hogwarts.

* * *

The fire crackled cheerfully as Hermione walked through the portrait hole. She paused, taking a moment to stretch and to cast a quick glance around the Gryffindor common room. As promised, Neville was at her usual table, keeping an eye on her books while finishing up his essay. Beside the table, Harry, Ron, and Ginny sat on the floor, all of them crowded around what looked to be some sort of board game. The only other occupants of the Common Room were the Creevey brothers, who were over in their usual corner and bent over their current project, which looked to be some sort of book. Smiling, Hermione made her way over to her seat, waving at her friends in greeting as she passed them by.

"Hello, Hermione," said Neville as she sat down beside him. "Finally done with your patrol?"

"Yes," she said. "It's nice that no one else is up. I need some peace and quiet so I can catch up with my revision. I'm a bit behind with all those extra patrols this week."

"On that again?" asked Ron, glancing up at her. "There are still months and months between us and NEWTs. You need to learn to take some time to relax."

"Months and months, you say! As if it's that easy to go over everything we've learned for the past seven years on any particular subject in a matter of months!" Hermione shook her head. Part of her still believed that the Ravenclaws had somehow planned that explosion in the Potions classroom that had taken out all the seventh year Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff prefects. She wouldn't put it pass them. As Head Girl, she wound up having to take more extra patrols than anyone else, while they were locked up in the infirmary, able to revise to their hearts' content.

"And I bet you she still thinks it was a set up," Ginny chortled. "Hermione! I doubt they care that much about beating your scores."

Hermione narrowed her eyes at her friend. The others would laugh at her, but the thing about being tops in grades for her entire year was she virtually had a huge target painted on her back. She wasn't being paranoid. Everyone was gunning for her to take over that top spot. That was fine with her though. Being the best wasn't any fun if there wasn't any competition.

"Oy, Ginny, is that a real word?" Ron griped. "Olfactory? Who ever heard of that?"

"Not you, evidently," Ginny replied. "Hermione will back me up on this one. It is a real word, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is," Hermione agreed. She looked up from her books and over at her friends sitting on the floor. "Playing scrabble?"

"Yes," said Harry. "I thought I'd introduce them to it as an alternative to chess. Not that chess isn't fun and all…"

"But it's not like more than two people can play at once," Hermione finished for him. She supposed Harry was tired of losing to Ron all the time as well, but she wasn't going to voice that thought because inevitably someone would point out that she had a tendency to lose as well. She never did like being reminded of that.

"I'll have all of you know that I am more than willing to take you all on at once," Ron said. He grinned smugly, the look in his eye daring them to take his challenge.

"Of course you are, you prat!" Ginny bopped her brother on his head. "Easier to win that way if your opponent doesn't have any sort of unified strategy."

"Oy, did you need to tell them that, Gin? And you hit hard. That stung!"

"I should know how to hit. I have six older brothers, in case you've forgot. And I do believe it's your turn. Not unless you want to say that both Hermione and I are wrong about olfactory being a valid word. I wouldn't suggest that though, because that's an argument you're bound to lose."

"You're winning, aren't you, Ginny?" Hermione remarked.

"How did you know?" her friend grinned.

"Ron wouldn't be whinging so much if he wasn't losing to his little sister," Hermione noted, and they both laughed. Ignoring Ron's glare, Hermione turned back to her books. Out of all her subjects, she had ignored charms the most. She had figured that since it was her best one, it would be easiest to catch up on that one, rather than something more involved like arithmancy or potions. Humming softly to herself, she skimmed the pages of her book, determined to get through at least three chapters of reading. She took a short break to look over Neville's essay and scribbled a few notes on where he could expand on his ideas. After that, she finished that last chapter in charms and turned to her potions text. Glancing at the clock, she opened her book, hoping to finish just one last chapter before retiring for the evening.

"Ha! Nice try!" Ron shouted. "I _know _that's not a word."

"Would it kill you to keep it down?" Hermione sniped.

"Sorry, Hermione, but I've finally caught her. There's no such word as indigenous, Ginny. You're clearly thinking of indigestion."

"And you're clearly thinking with your stomach," Hermione snorted.

"He can't help it, Hermione," explained Ginny. "His brain's withered away from lack of use so that's all he has left to think with. And it is too a word."

"Is not! You just don't want to admit you're wrong."

"Ron, I hate to say it, but I think Gin's right on this one," said Harry.

"Ever heard of male solidarity, Harry?" asked Ron.

"Male solidarity doesn't change the fact that you're wrong," Harry replied.

"If it's really a word, then what does it mean?" asked Ron. Neither Harry nor Ginny could answer him. "See! I told you. You were thinking of indigestion but you didn't have the letters to spell it."

"I know what it means, you prat, but I can't think of how to define it," Ginny said shortly. "Just because your vocabulary is limited, doesn't mean that the rest of us suffer from the same affliction."

"If you can't define it, it's not a word," Ron insisted. "So try again. Or is there some sort of penalty if the word you tried isn't real?"

"It is a word," Hermione chimed in. "It refers to the native people, flora, or fauna of any particular place."

"Of course, you take her side," Ron grumbled. "Girls always take up for each other in these sorts of things. Too bad that I can't same the same for blokes." He glared once again at Harry.

"Honestly!" Hermione exclaimed. "I'm not the sort to lie about something like that. And besides, if there's any sort of dispute in Scrabble, you're supposed to consult the dictionary." Huffing slightly, she took out her wand and with a practiced motion called out, "_Accio_ dictionary!"

Just like that, the book the Creeveys had been pouring over was making its way over to Hermione, its pages fluttering as it glided through the air. "Sorry," she told Colin and Dennis who had leapt up to chase after their dictionary. "I just need to borrow it for a bit so even Ron will have to admit that he's wrong." She looked at the book in front of her on the table and froze.

She blinked, not believing what she saw.

"What is it, Hermione?" Neville asked. He too glanced at the book. "Swot," he read aloud. "Definition…Hermione Granger?"

"What?" her friends chorused. Leaping to their feet, they eagerly crowded around her, looking over her shoulders and at the dictionary she had summoned away from the Creeveys. Sure enough, her name was listed as the definition of swot in that dictionary. Next to her name was a photo of her, surrounded by books and snarling at whoever was holding the camera.

Clenching her fists, Hermione focused her attention on the Creevey brothers who were busy looking away from her. "You know," she started mildly, "I don't recall ever being asked if it was all right to take my picture. Especially for something like this."

"I wasn't aware that we had to ask," said Colin bravely. "And besides, you were too busy shooing us away for us to get anything out."

"And you know perfectly well what my answer would have been if you had asked so…"

"Oh, lay off it, Hermione," said Ron. "I think it's bloody brilliant. You _are_ the definition of a swot."

"I am not!" Hermione snapped, feeling more irritated than ever. Ron was asking the Creeveys how long they had been working on their dictionary. From behind her, she swore that Harry was…giggling at her. Didn't that idiot know that witches giggle while wizards were supposed to be manly and laugh? Not that she wanted anyone to laugh at her. Supporting her in this would be much better. Hermione sighed and turned to face the only other female in the room. "Surely, you at least, support me in this?"

"Hermione," Ginny said gently, "as much as I hate not to take your side since you were helping me…he's right. I mean I did have to listen to your conspiracy theories regarding those Ravenclaws all week."

Hermione rolled her eyes and said, "That's not the point, and just to reiterate, I am not a swot, thank you very much. My point is that it's not right for the Creevey brothers to be roaming around Hogwarts taking pictures when people are trying to study—they should ask first before clicking. I would think that someone here would agree with me on that one."

"Do you have Snape listed as git or greasy?" Neville asked curiously. He turned the page to look at the previous entry. "Gah!" he cried and almost tumbled off of his chair.

"What now, Neville?" said Harry. He looked at the page Neville had turned to. "Bloody hell!" he swore.

Sparing a glance to see what was caused Harry to swear, Hermione saw that the previous entry was snog. Next to it was no definition, merely a photo of her and Draco Malfoy saying hello.

Rather passionately and locked together at the lips, it might be said.

Damn.

This wasn't the way she had wanted to inform either Harry or Ron about her current boyfriend. She was thinking maybe telling them in several years, assuming the relationship lasted that long. Hopefully they would have matured enough by then to be more accepting. And she was really going to have to kill the Creeveys now. Not just for spilling her secret, but for having the nerve to take such personal photos. They should have bloody well known better.

"You snogged Malfoy!" Harry said. "I can't believe this. How could you even touch…"

"Oh nice," said Ginny, interrupting Harry's rant. "Tell me, was he any good? Although that's a silly question, isn't it? It looks like you quite enjoyed yourself."

"Don't be ridiculous, Gin," cried Harry. "Just look at that picture. She had to have been forced. Or maybe it was blackmail. Really, Colin and Dennis too…I expected better of you. You should have helped her, rather than just stopping to take a picture."

"She was not being forced! You must be the biggest idiot in the world! Clearly, she enjoyed that kiss. Though I suppose I should forgive you for that, given your limited experience with kisses." Ginny looked sideways at Hermione. "I bet Malfoy is a natural when it comes to snogging. I'm not adverse to a bit more information here."

"She had to have been forced to kiss that git. Ron, please back me up here." Rather than respond to Harry's plea, Ron stood still, the tips of his ears turning red. "He's still in shock," said Harry. "I can't blame him."

"So are you," said Ginny. "Look! She's kissing him back."

"Merlin!" Harry took a closer look at the picture, noticing for the first time that Hermione was giving as good as she got. "You're right! Hermione, how could you?"

"You know, this just proves my point," said Hermione, ignoring both Harry and Ginny's comments. "You shouldn't be sneaking around Hogwarts, taking pictures of people and invading their privacy…"

Colin coughed. "The astronomy tower can hardly be considered a private place."

"Yes, you wouldn't believe how many…." His brother's elbow to his ribs stopped Dennis from finishing what he was going to say.

"This is where you're supposed to apologize and say you won't do anything like this ever again," Hermione informed them. "I will take house points off if I have to, though I really don't want to..."

"Why do you care?" Harry sneered. "If you take points off us, maybe your boyfriend can win the House Cup this year. Certainly he's been taking points off of Gryffindors right and left. I bet you'd like that. You're probably already looking forward to the celebratory _snog_," he finished, disgust evident in his voice. He took a large step away from Hermione and towards Neville, folding his arms across his chest as he continued to glare at his friend.

"I don't like what you're trying to imply here, Harry."

"I'm not implying anything, Hermione, I'm bloody well saying it…"

"Um…Ron…where are you going?" asked Neville. The rest of the Gryffindors turned around to see Ron waiting for the portrait hole to open, his entire face now a bright shade of red.

"Don't mind me. I hear there's a ferret of unusual size terrorizing the dungeons. Now would be as good as time as any to get rid of it. Don't bother waiting up." With that, Ron stalked through the portrait hole.

Silence filled the common room as everyone took a moment to process just what Ron's intentions were.

Hermione stood up. "Oh no! We've got to stop Ron before he does something stupid."

"Please," Harry scoffed. "Ron do something stupid? You haven't a leg to stand on. You snogged Malfoy."

"And your reaction is probably why she's been keeping this from you," Ginny remarked. "Lay off, Harry. You can't blame her. Malfoy's such a good-looking prat that I'd be wondering what's wrong with Hermione if she passed up the chance to snog him. And by the way, Hermione, don't think that I haven't noticed that you still haven't given me any details. So was he as good as all the rumors say? Or better? It looks like he might be better."

"Argh!" Harry waved his hands in frustration. "Tell me, are all witches incapable of realizing how evil Malfoy truly is?"

"Slag," read Neville, having turned the page again. "Definition…Ginny Weasley?"

The silence was deafening.

Then Hermione couldn't help but turn her eyes to the page that Neville was reading. Sure enough, next to the word slag was Ginny's name, followed by a collage of pictures showing Ginny with all her various boyfriends.

"You know," said Ginny almost conversationally, "I wouldn't have expected you to be that petty, Colin. Just because I said that I wasn't interested in going to Hogsmeade with you doesn't mean I'm a slag. You are so dead. I'm going to kill you…and your little brother too."

"Wow, you did date a lot of wizards," Harry decided to say just then.

"That doesn't mean I'm a slag. For heaven's sake…I didn't even kiss half of them." With that, Ginny drew her wand. "You know what. I don't have to explain myself. No matter what the Creeveys are still as good as dead for saying that I'm the very definition of a slag. If you care to join them, Harry, just keep talking like that."

"Gin, trust me, I understand you want to inflict pain on both Colin and Dennis, but you have to focus here. We've got to stop Ron," said Hermione. "We can get them back later. We do know where they live and all."

"Don't worry Hermione," said Ginny. "This won't take me long at all. I just need to think of the most painful, humiliating way to kill them. It shouldn't take me long at all."

Hermione sighed. Clearly both Ron and Ginny had inherited the infamous Weasley temper. "Okay, everyone try and pay attention. I am going to try to put this in the simplest terms possible. It is now past midnight. That means after curfew. You follow? Ron is currently stalking towards the dungeons as we speak. Imagine what will happen to both our friend and our house point total if he's caught by…oh, I don't know, by Snape."

It took a moment for her friends to follow that train of thought to its logical conclusion.

"We're fucked," said Harry softly. "Snape will take off at least a hundred points and give Ron detention for a month, if he's lucky." Harry reached for his wand. "I would go get my cloak but there's no time to lose. Let's go. If we hurry we can stop him before he gets too far. Better to take care of the ferret later, when it's not past curfew and after we have a plan and all."

"We'll see about that," muttered Hermione. She followed Harry out the door, tugging Ginny behind her. "Come on, Ginny, let's go. We can take care of the creepy brothers later."

"Fine," Ginny bit out. "Since you insist, we'll help Harry stop my idiot brother first." She sent one last glare at the Creeveys as Hermione pulled her out the portrait hole. "I suppose revenge is better served after an appetizer of anticipation." The portrait hole shut behind her after that.

"Ack!!!"

Both Colin and Dennis jumped, startled by Neville's scream. Neville was looking at the dictionary, his mouth gaping open. His eyes rolled back and he fainted.

The two brothers looked at each other.

"I think before slag we had…shag right?" asked Dennis nervously, as though he expected the others to come back.

"That sounds right," said Colin. He gulped. "Just as well they all left before Neville turned the page."

"Should we start running now?"

"Why?" asked Colin. "I'm not afraid of Ginny. And I don't think Hermione was serious."

"Just remember that when we get caught I'm going to tell all of them that it was your idea. Which it was. Especially those specific entries."

Colin thought about it. Ginny would definitely be out to get them. Hermione would be only too willing to help, given how much she had fumed over the snogging entry. And there was a distinct possibility she would be able to drag Malfoy into it and he would probably dream up some scheme to get those pictures while leaving them hexed to within an inch of their lives.

"On second thought," said Colin. "I heard Australia is rather nice this time of year. We can't get much farther away than that, now can we?"

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_A/N: This is my first fic of any sort in a long time, so please review and let me know how I've done._


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